Comedy Showdown Fans Pillows

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"He looks just like your husband."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"Don't go in there!!"

"I keep having these funny moods, doctor."

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

The first case of resume padding.

Yakety-Yak

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'