Comedy Showdown Fans Pillows

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

"He looks just like your husband."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"I keep having these funny moods, doctor."

Yakety-Yak

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

'Try one - they're crunchy on the outside with a chewy centre.'