Comedy-loving Baby's Progress Prints

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

Newborn making the V-sign

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

"There are several words I could use to describe your condition, but I'm leaning towards whiney."

A dingo brings home another baby - 'You take it back right now... we still got the last one you brought home!'

'I've learned that adding water to coffee only weakens the effect.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

Clearance sale. Everything must go!

"Funny how they often look like little old men

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

'Well, it's a boy. And I think I can explain those sudden sharp pains in your rib cage.'

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

"Who do you have to know around here to get a fluffy?"

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

"Gee, my first man cave!"

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"Baby FOMO."

"It was dark, damp and cramped - why did you lock me in there for nine months??!..."