Comedy Fans Of Legal Dramas Pillows

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Not guilty?"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"You don't have to answer that."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

'How do you expect me to concentrate when you're reading me my rights?'

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'