Comedy Fans Of Legal Dramas Pillows

'At this time, for no particular reason, I'd like to introduce into the record my rendition of 'The girl from Ipanema'.'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Not guilty?"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"You don't have to answer that."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

'My client may have huffed and he may have puffed, but ladies and gentlemen, he just happens to have a very bad smoker's cough. He did not blow anyone's house down!'

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

'How do you expect me to concentrate when you're reading me my rights?'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'