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"Wilson, you're still using those training wheels?!"

'Beat the congestion charge, get your replica Ken Livingstone plates here'

"You say Sisyphean task, I say crap job."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

Vlad the Impala

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

A Fairytale Update

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"That'll be five bucks."

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.