Comedy Cadet Pillows

Enlist now! K-9 Corps...'You're a cat!'

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Why can't you admit you're lost?'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

An Alien on the Moon waiting for his Alien dog to finish Peeing.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"Sheez. I hope they like pictures of dirt."

Pentagon Science Contest: '...It's a contest by the pentagon. They're gonna pay out half a million bucks to someone who comes up with the best idea on how people could travel to another solar system.'

Every class has one. . .

The Romantic - Heart shaped medals

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'Can Bradley come out and litigate?'

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'I'm a bit suspicious of that Trojan Clothes horse.'

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Chaironaut

"I want to report a race crime.'

"It's not you. It's pea."

ACME Rocket Testing Company - Out to Launch.

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

Late one night at the SETI project. 'Don't make us come over there!'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

'Technically, you can't really consider these 'alien visitations'. No offence but this planet is the only dumping station in this corner of the galaxy...'

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'