Comedy Cadet Pillows

Enlist now! K-9 Corps...'You're a cat!'

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Why can't you admit you're lost?'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

An Alien on the Moon waiting for his Alien dog to finish Peeing.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"Sheez. I hope they like pictures of dirt."

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

Every class has one. . .

Pentagon Science Contest: '...It's a contest by the pentagon. They're gonna pay out half a million bucks to someone who comes up with the best idea on how people could travel to another solar system.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

The Romantic - Heart shaped medals

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

'Can Bradley come out and litigate?'

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'I'm a bit suspicious of that Trojan Clothes horse.'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Chaironaut

"It's not you. It's pea."

"I want to report a race crime.'

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

ACME Rocket Testing Company - Out to Launch.

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

Late one night at the SETI project. 'Don't make us come over there!'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

'Technically, you can't really consider these 'alien visitations'. No offence but this planet is the only dumping station in this corner of the galaxy...'

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

'We are banned from reporting inside that country, so instead our correspondent joins us from the Dog and Duck, just around the corner.'