Comedic Voter Prints

I'm not going to vote because there aren't any televised debates. What? Debates are pretty much the only good thing about election season. You get to watch the politicians hate each other in person. And you get to watch the panic in their eyes when they mess up an answer and realize they've just ruined their entire political career. If they're not gonna bother entertaining me, why should I bother giving them my vote? I love casting ballots. Any opportunity to flex is worthwhile.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"My computer just texted me."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Hey! This is news."

"Don't think of it as hell. . . just think of it as a normally recurring seasonal weather pattern."

Glimpses One Dollar

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

'I'm knitting you sweater... do you want it too big or too small?'

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

VOTE!, 'If elected, I'll sponsor legislation for a $10 billion study of Government hypocrisy!'

Flatulence in space...

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

Men and Women's changing rooms

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

Screenwasher cleaning buggy.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

"For my next trick, I'll need a non-litigious volunteer."

Vote for Ken and his congestion charge.

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"What's the big deal? All these politicians talk about a health care plan! I have a health care plan!"

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

"What they hell are we looking at."

"...and which of the election candidates do you dislike the least?"

"Brilliant Angela, that will get them out to vote."

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'