Comedic Twists In Family Fortunes Mugs

"Although many thought your uncle to be wealthy..."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Two boys from legal to see you."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"Bottled or breast?"

"Pianissimo! Pianissimo!"

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

'Let's hit the road, son! We are Baby Bjorn to be wild!'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

'If you text for a glass of water one more time, Daddy's going to take away your cell phone.'

"This is our adoptive son. We found him in the cellar where he was raised by spiders."

Football coaches get up to mischief

"Hey kids! - look what I found at the local animal shelter!"

'I'm gonna die.'

'Your trainers really whiff.' - 'Yeah, they're awful, aren't they?!' - 'Do something about !!!' - 'Oh, I see...'

'If you're planning to move back in here with your mother and me, you'll have to abide by our rules.'

'You didn't spank me today. What did I do good?'

"Dad, what does two and two make?"

'So; come up with any bright remarks lately?'

'My little sister can't come to school today - She's teaching my Dad how to operate his computer!'

'My dad used the exact same word yesterday. Does he have to come here too?'

'He's got his shoes on the wrong feet again.'

"The worst part about being a test tube baby is that my dad was a mad scientist."

'It's okay if you don't hug me, dad.'

"If you are still unhappy with your current allowance compensation, may I once more suggest to you a life of crime."