Comedic Twist Lover T-Shirts

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

"The back flip was a nice touch."

'Oh, Oh, I brought my paintball gun by mistake.'

'I didn't mean it like that!'

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

Dorothy, the lion, and the scarecrow, are suddenly confronted by the tin man of Oz.

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"Now THAT'S what I call a surprise ending!!"

"Mr. Dankin, the plumber will see you now."

An expedition to get ice for the party.

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

Muggers nick nurses bag only to be showered in syringes

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

Crime

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, mister. This saloon is made entirely of ninjas.'

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

'Wait a minute,' thought Bob. 'This isn't my book. And those aren't my hands.'

'You called a plumber!'

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

Next on Fox! Clowns Without Makeup.

Rattle Snake in Love with Baby

"Did you watch the super bowl?"

". . . and now, someone who needs no introduction. . ."