Comedic Timing Enthusiasts Pillows

"Oh, now you want to talk, when all week it was 'Do Not Disturb.'"

Flash septuplets

'Bernie always sees the glass as half-full, but not for long.'

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

'At 11:35 it's the SLOW sign. At 11:39, the STOP sign. At 11:43 it's back to the SLOW sign. At 11:49 you break for lunch. At 1:00 it's the STOP sign...'

Kissing Prompt

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

"I see travel and romance. You'll be going away soon. I see a tall, dark stranger with many tattoos."

"His last words were: Tell Martha to pay the doctors first."

Time to love

Valentine's Day

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

'Ma'am, I think I already see the problem with your cuckoo clock.'

'They no longer award retirees with a gold watch, so I got the time-clock!'

"Now, let's try a Waltz. Don't worry about me though, I'm wearing safety boots..."

'Which piece are you going to play?' - 'The Minute Waltz' - '1 minute 9 seconds. Fail.' - 'Damn you, Chopin!'

'I'm sorry, we are looking for a different kind of party animal.'

"He wasn't ready for the talk."

"The key is to hit the deck before the ball arrives. Jake, not so fast!"

Big egg timer 'Latest in time share properties.'

A bird tries to fly through a window to a bird house which is in a living room.

Horse bolts from Horse-box it sees in a carpark.

'I'm hoping one day I'll be discovered by the director of Riverdance.'

"What were his last words?"

'No dear, I don't think you can be 'first footer'. I don't think you can even find your feet.'

The Beat

'You're doing great. I'll take over at half past. . .'

God's turnaround time.

The appendectomy quarterfinals.

"Now, don't get too excited – it could just be a hand puppet."

"Do you sell backup cameras?"

Desk trays: 'Ka...' and '...Boom.'

'I feel so bad -- my biological clock went off early and I threw it at the cat!'