Comedic Timing Appreciator T-Shirts

Horse bolts from Horse-box it sees in a carpark.

'Why not just admit that you don't want to holiday abroad.'

'At 11:35 it's the SLOW sign. At 11:39, the STOP sign. At 11:43 it's back to the SLOW sign. At 11:49 you break for lunch. At 1:00 it's the STOP sign...'

Kissing Prompt

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

'Good news hon' ! It's nothing serious! The doctor said it's just a simple case of Tennis Elbow!'

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"And my approval rating is sixty-two."

"I see travel and romance. You'll be going away soon. I see a tall, dark stranger with many tattoos."

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

"His last words were: Tell Martha to pay the doctors first."

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

A truck full of radioactive waste with no particular place to go...

"Now, let's try a Waltz. Don't worry about me though, I'm wearing safety boots..."

'Which piece are you going to play?' - 'The Minute Waltz' - '1 minute 9 seconds. Fail.' - 'Damn you, Chopin!'

I'm the gorilla's nuts... I'm the dog's bo****ks... He's never been good at hiding his light under a bushel.

'I'm sorry, we are looking for a different kind of party animal.'

A bird tries to fly through a window to a bird house which is in a living room.

7 Dead Twits Pub & Alehouse - 'He's paying.'

Look who's headed this way. It's Darlene. How do I look? Desperate and pathetic. She's engaged. She's not interested. You've got to move on. No way, she has to be here for a reason. This won't go well. One coffee to go. I do.

"He wasn't ready for the talk."

'That's not the sort of request I meant, Madam, and anyway it's physically impossible!'

"I know I encourage employees to take initiative, Tom... but I think you should change that back!"

"Oh, now you want to talk, when all week it was 'Do Not Disturb.'"

'I'm hoping one day I'll be discovered by the director of Riverdance.'

'I guess there was a typo on the job order. It was supposed to read 'mow the lawn, not plow the lawn.''

'You're doing great. I'll take over at half past. . .'

God's turnaround time.

"Now, don't get too excited – it could just be a hand puppet."

'Hooray! A Christmas miracle! I suddenly went blind an can't see that mistletoe above your head!'

"Don't you worry about the dangers of spreading germs?"