Comedic Self-evaluator T-Shirts

"And my approval rating is sixty-two."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"My computer just texted me."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"Hey! This is news."

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

'Good news hon' ! It's nothing serious! The doctor said it's just a simple case of Tennis Elbow!'

Pop up begger.

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Glimpses One Dollar

"Don't think of it as hell. . . just think of it as a normally recurring seasonal weather pattern."

'I'm knitting you sweater... do you want it too big or too small?'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

When psychiatry works too well!

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

Men and Women's changing rooms

How cats see their home

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

Trump the Jester

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

Screenwasher cleaning buggy.

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

Safety Pin

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

"My wife thinks I'm out looking for a job..."