Comedic Readers Mugs

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

New trend: dissolving your teeth with a Coca-Cola habit and getting dentures like Trump.

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

'Don't anthropomorphize.'

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'A is for Arse.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Examination.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

Pop up begger.

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'