Comedic Race Observer Mugs

Runner going through hurdles.

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"My computer just texted me."

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'I can't understand how those burglars could clean out our house so quietly.'

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"Don't think of it as hell. . . just think of it as a normally recurring seasonal weather pattern."

Glimpses One Dollar

"Hey! This is news."

Loggerheads

'I'm knitting you sweater... do you want it too big or too small?'

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Men and Women's changing rooms

'Because Elvis is FULL of philosophical insights.'

Screenwasher cleaning buggy.

"For my next trick, I'll need a non-litigious volunteer."

"What's the big deal? All these politicians talk about a health care plan! I have a health care plan!"

'Explain to me again how a trip to the mall to buy shoelaces resulted in this!'

"Okay, but just a quick kiss, Joey... You did see my father's gun collection, right?"

'Don't hop around a mite disconcerted - dive, and writhe in agony!'

"What they hell are we looking at."

Koko's little list

I'm not going to vote because there aren't any televised debates. What? Debates are pretty much the only good thing about election season. You get to watch the politicians hate each other in person. And you get to watch the panic in their eyes when they mess up an answer and realize they've just ruined their entire political career. If they're not gonna bother entertaining me, why should I bother giving them my vote? I love casting ballots. Any opportunity to flex is worthwhile.

"How's the gastric band working out?"

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

'Mismatched Mantras'

Copenhagen Three Degrees.

Self-Improvement/Self-Involvement

'My parents are having a fight right now.'

"Mom said to make sure you don't goof up shopping online."

My cousins from Barcelona show up announced and have been here for weeks! The Spanish imposition!

'Yes, it does make his blood boil - I enjoy it'

'The fish and chips are very nice.'