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'Where did you find a jar with a childproof lid?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I need to know who started it."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

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"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'