Comedic Novelist Prints

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

'A is for Arse.'

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

Examination.

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Andy's first airplane experience was marred by his grandmother's stinginess

Pop up begger.

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'