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'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

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"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."