Comedic Dining Pillows

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

'Letting you pick up the check will help you stay on your diet.'

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Do you want toast with that?'

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Beard helper

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

Dessert Storm Veteran

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'I'd like to speak to the slop steward.'

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

'All you can eat, burgers.'

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

Frozen Fish

"What kind of mod are you in? Sit Down or All You Can Eat From The Trough?"

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Salsa on a Stick.

Chinese noodles.

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!