Comedic Conservationist Pillows

"Before I start. . . . are you sure pruning doesn't violate the tree's rights?"

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Been waiting long?'

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Now cut that out!'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

Hunter with arrow pointing at him.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

Keep it on until he's gone. They still think we're extinct.

Ecotourism.

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Gavin is a bit conflicted when it comes to barbecuing."

'Did you just hear that? Scientist say we are now an endangered species and mating should be our top priority!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"It doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me cross-eyed!"

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'I can't do anything. It's on the endangered list.'

"They're nice, but not as efficient as my coal-powered chimes."

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

It's not Global Warming silly: I bought a plastic plant...

Spider Facts.

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

"Hello Bob, I haven't seen you since you had a water meter fitted!"