Comedic Conservationist Pillows

"Before I start. . . . are you sure pruning doesn't violate the tree's rights?"

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Been waiting long?'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Now cut that out!'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

Hunter with arrow pointing at him.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

Ecotourism.

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"It doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me cross-eyed!"

"Gavin is a bit conflicted when it comes to barbecuing."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Did you just hear that? Scientist say we are now an endangered species and mating should be our top priority!'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"Hello Bob, I haven't seen you since you had a water meter fitted!"

'I can't do anything. It's on the endangered list.'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'We moved here so we could have a wide screen.'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

Spider Facts.

It's not Global Warming silly: I bought a plastic plant...

"They're nice, but not as efficient as my coal-powered chimes."