Comedian With A Vision Focus T-Shirts

'The mail is here and it looks like the opticians have written to us.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Rap music

Toy plane with pilot eject.

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

A private jet takes off

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

Exit Next Left

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

Large print e-book.

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

Mo's Meet The Predators Safari Tours.

"What is a drag queen's goal?"

Midwest Winter Items.

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

Ostrich's head buried into a pile of sand containing a woman

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.