Comedian With A Vision Focus T-Shirts

'The mail is here and it looks like the opticians have written to us.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Rap music

Toy plane with pilot eject.

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

A private jet takes off

Rodin's Thinker.

Large print e-book.

Exit Next Left

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

Midwest Winter Items.

Mo's Meet The Predators Safari Tours.

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

Ostrich's head buried into a pile of sand containing a woman

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.