Comedian With A Dark Sense Of Humor T-Shirts

"Oh, I'm a golf widow too. I killed mine with his nine iron."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Rap music

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Needs to get a life"

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"I thought you wanted me to change."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Should've been routine. That was before the dog called and offered to pay twice as much to have the master put down.

Toy plane with pilot eject.

'It was great. I hated it.'

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

Turkey Autopsy