Color Queen Pillows

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

Ladies

I love embroidery

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

'I hate to ski. But I look so cute in the outfits!'

Curtsey

Crotchet

Sew on a sequin!

Von Trapp family masks

"Ah! The Amazing Mommy and her tray of condiments!"

'Honestly Gwen, do you really think that guys are going to notice your heels tonight?'

Summertime... When you go zero to 'booked up' in 3.5 seconds

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Granny Wear

"Oh, shut up. Who isn't in your shoes?"

'Aside from your plastic canvas projects, what else have you been doing since you retired?'

"Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've been out of the office since I got fired."

Pin Cushion to roll of cotton: 'Hi! I'm a pin cushion! I love my job!' Pin Cushion's reply: 'MASOCHIST!'

'Wear them on thanksgiving instead.'

'I live in an apartment. Do you have 'Good ApartmentKeeping'?'

'If you had a tapeworm, would you keep it?'

Genealogical picture of Mr. Punch.

"Hey dude, when I said 'curls might help', that's not what I meant."

How scrapbookers see progress. ('I've been scrapbooking for ten years and I've got two pages done already!' 'Wow, you're fast!')

"I know I'm good looking, but am I good looking enough to move to California?"

A granny tortoise with a quilted shell.

'I hate it when she gets perms'

"I can quit whenever I want to."

"Contestants, you have thirty seconds, two hundred and eighty characters, and an unfamiliar topic - can you find a way to make it all about you?"

"Don't tell me you're JEALOUS,darling?"

"That little hypocrite's done that with a felt-tip made from plastic!"

"It's not cotton, honey. It's nylon quilted to polyester. The leaves and trim are twenty per cent acrylic and eighty per cent modacrylic, and the flowers are acetate. The backing is polypropylene. Go to bed."