College Sports Recruitment Pillows

'Ring around the rosey ...'

Go team!

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'He always tees off like that. He used to throw the discus in college.'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

Cheerleaders

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

The Giamatti era

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

Lost Season

'I was headhunted.'

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Scenes we'd most like to see...

Baseball players and their qualifications.

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

Basketball Tourney. Ernie, you're crushing everybody in the office basketball pool! You've picked the winner of every game so far! It's amazing because you don't know a thing about basketball. For you, picking the winner of every tournament game is like correctly guessing a coin flip sixty seven times in a row! No, I have a system! It seems everybody has an opinion about the tourney so I listened to what my investment advisor thought about the teams. And with his record of picking winners

"Wow, the current is strong today. It reminds meof the championship race backwhen I was at Yale. Did I mention I rowed at Yale?"

Tax What?!

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

Coach Prime Cleans House

Our coaches are from top college teams. Questions. Why aren't you in training? Sports Camp. Rotator cuff injury. Concussion. Back surgery. Counselor. Ok, campers. Let's show them what you've got! Excellent health insurance card representation!

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

Gracie goes over to the college recruitment tent at a carnival.

'Remember, your father may be here physically, but mentally he's attending the NCAA tournament.'

How were the academic departments on the campuses you visited? Dad!!! Stop stressing me!! College hunting is hard enough without you prying into every detail of my life! Arrghh!! How were the drama departments?

It's unlikely the "Deadly Sins" team from Hades University will go far in the basketball tourney. Wrath is suspended for arguing with the refs and sloth always skips practice. Pride puts too much pressure on himself and greed won't risk an injury that would blow his chances for a pro contract. Lust is distracted by the cheerleaders and Envy wants the shots all the other players are getting. Gluttony is the only player thriving in the tournament spotlight. Yeah, he just eats up all the atten

Contest to enter the University

'There really is no need for confusion. Rule 10, section 5, article a, subsection 3, exception 4 quite clearly states ... '

'So you're the referee who had the courage to call a Technical Foul on Bobby Knight.'

With the Inflatable Pocket Potty, you'll never have to wait in line again at the stadium.

'Needless to say, discus-thrower Bill Nordlander went to college on a full athletic scholarship.'