College Life Navigator Pillows

"Room, board, books, and tuition--I draw the line at corkage fees."

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'

"Hey! Mine is a list of debt counselors."

'True, free Top Ramen isn't much of a grant - in - aid, but it's better than nothing.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Continuing education.

"Three more years of high school."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Santa does a keg stand.

Between Offices

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'If you are here, you'll be late for gym class."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

Doubt or Certainy

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

The Spring Break Venus

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'I received matching offers.'

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."