College Crammers Pillows

"Whoever guesses which cup the college tuition is under, gets it."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"The Wi-Fi password is publish 'publish or perish'."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

"I'm thinking that now is a good time to start those tutoring sessions."

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Hmmm, everyone seems to have prepared for the exam except for Thomas who's making a long face now.'

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

Undergraduate and don

Exams

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

We have too many students! I know. Send them home!

"I was just transferred to the fraternity word."