Collecting Liqueurs Mugs

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Some scents are nonsense.

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

true love.

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

'Does this perfume have an antidote?'

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

Portfolio, 2011

"Quick swig first?"

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

Red Wine

Wine tasting

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

Hand Sanitiser on the Bar

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

The Stages of Wine

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'This scent goes well with a diamond necklace.'