Cold Turkey Companion Mugs

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

Dolphin friendly tuna

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

Reading the sports pages.

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Skier and his dog.

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Running Latte

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

"It's one mile as the crow flies, ten miles as the lost hiker bushwhacks."

"Love me?"

Love.

'Whatever happened to that platoon of GIs you used to pretend to be at bedtimes?'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

Man Diverts the Hunt...and hides the fox!

'I can't go in there now, I'll look ridiculous.'

"Thing about human interest stories is, they always presume you're interested in humans."

'How long has what been going on?'

Farmer eating lunch on resting cow.

Dog in the Bed.

"Want to go back to my place and take off our hats?"

"I made you a vest."

'Well, your scales are flaking and it looks nasty, I'm trying to get you to shed before my parents come over tonight to meet you.'

'When humans say they love animals, they mean pets. They sure don't mean us!'

"Which side do you want?"

"I could argue about foot and mouth until the cows come home."

'I'm not one for the birds and he IS my best mate!'