Coffee Shop Critiquers T-Shirts

"Podcasts, blech. It's like eavesdropping without the intrigue."

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"Practicing my hate-face."

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

Continental Drift.

'This decaf's lousy.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

Honest Vending Machine

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

'Coffee, tea, or banana?'

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

'If I'm to put up with cold coffee and stale biscuits I expect a Much better line in gossip!'

"Don't be a follower. Be your own man."