Cocktail Wordsmith Pillows

"Absolut Citron for me, and an ‘absolute disdain’ for the little lady."

A Good Batch.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

"I forget to drink."

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

Best Seller

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

Sharp Eyes

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

You trip on it, you buy it.

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

A Poet

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

The Rind of the Ancient Mariner.

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'The first cocktail.'

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Bar Therapy

Bell Hop

Male On Sunday

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'