Cocktail Socialite Gifts

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"And what do you do to maintain your cardiovascular fitness, Miss Holt?"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"And this is Helen, my wife by a previous marriage."

'Bloody Cheek, that Gayle fellow criticising test cricket.'

'If you start granting amnesty for people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following his conscience.'

"I always wondered who got my transplant."

"To mom, apple pie, and foreign investors who keep our economy humming."

"Thank God you're here. Walter has been Barry Manilowing us to death."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"I'd love to stay and chat but I just heard a silent dog whistle."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"I don't speak Yoga. I speak Pilates."

'Gosh, really? That must be pretty grim...'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

"We slipped in the tub."

"Try and stop me if you’ve heard this one before …"

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

'Fill 'er up!'

"Be honest- how does it look? I had to leave my laugh lines in for Bill."

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"Sure, he's got deep pockets, but they're always in his other pants."

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

"Everything has been done to death."

"Mr. Peanut is my dad—you can call me Rick."