Co-pilot Pillows

'Trade you seats?'

'That's New.'

"Height and position? I'm six foot tall and in the pilot's seat."

'Captain are we going faster than sound?'

'OK everyone, standard brief - I take two cups of coffee before take-off, another with lunch and a twenty minute bathroom break on decent.'

"This is your pilot speaking. I'll be working from home today."

Letter reads: OK, we'll be good. Can we come out?

'When I press this, the stewardess announces what I've done - and one doesn't often get that level of female attention.'

"Bigelow, let's try and set this thing down just once without saying 'Oopsy-daisy.' "

'Are we having barbeque for lunch or is here another fire?'

Pontius Pilot: "You simpleton!! I said flaps 10 degrees, not 8! One more mistake like that and I'll have you crucified!!"

'No, I'm not going anywhere today: It's my pilot fish's day off...'

'You imbecile!! Didn't i tell you to watch our altitude?! / A co-pilot accidentally flies too high ending up in heaven and smacking into an angel

'Co-pilot to pilot - I've located why the plane is out of balance.'

'I'm sorry, but these seats are taken!'

This Side Up - At All Times

"I like my martinis shaken. Let's find some turbulence."

"Here's the deal. I'll fly the plane, and you make the excuses."

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Wait a minute! I thought you guys couldn't fly!'

"I don't care how strong the urge is! As long as I am in charge of this aircraft, you are not sticking your head out of the window!"

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'Do you have to bring your mother on every flight?'

"If anyone tries to come through that door, I want you to blast away - unless of course, it's Becky with the coffee."

'While we were on our laptops,we overshot our LAST airport runway!'

Words you don't ever want to hear: 'I keep forgetting - east, is that to the left or the right of north?'

"Flying is my life."

Lucky charms

"Let's skip the taxi-ing and land right at the gate. I really have to use the bathroom."

"Don't you dare touch my radio settings."

"Welcome aboard, folks. Little Lieutenant Mack and I have everything under control this morning."

Plane windscreen cleaner

"This is your captain speaking, we hope you have a pleasant and safe journey but obviously accidents can happen!"

"We allow some pilots to fly their beloved aircraft one last time."

"The pilots are trained on all the plane's technology, but they're still having a hard time with the backup camera."