Clucky Clairvoyants Pillows

"You'll never soar like an eagle, but your wings will make you very popular."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Quantum Psychic

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"You're solemates!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'It's Blurred.'

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

"A new set of dentures! Is that it?"

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

"Your husband says BOO!"

Ill next Thursday

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'