Club Champ In The Clouds T-Shirts

"On the sixteenth hole? I can sympathize with you, but I can't let you go back and finish the round!"

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

'Not that slowly back...'

Make up your mind. Next exit 500 miles.

Brownie Points

"Show some appreciation when he comes home: he spends his days in a small cubicle staring at numbers on the screen. He puts up with a lot in order to feed us."

Monkey casino study.

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

The world at stake...

'Bloody Hell!...What is a hosepipe ban?'

"You don't need English on every shot."

My music gave me a grade of F sharp.

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

"When I finally got my own car, I never drove over the speed limit."

"Careful...she bites."

"So, how about all this global warming business, eh?"

'In the old days we used charcoal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

Amateur singers

"Love them rays, Chief."

'First I'll do some covers, then I'll play some derivative, cliche-ridden original material.'

'Wait ... Nobody brought a ball? Now what are we going to do for all eternity?'

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

'Oh what's the use? You don't know the course.'

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Little known evolutionary steps.

'I mean, if you started to worry about rising sea levels you start to worry about everything. . . Am I right?'

Protect the Ecology - Stay Indoors!

"Everything is in the Cloud."

'Would it be possible to have my husband recycled?'

"Wow, human DNA is so close to ours! Pity they're just missing perfection by a few percentage points..."

'...There's something about rescued dogs - they're just eager to please.'

Angel Delight

"Gaudeamus igitur, Juvenes dum sumus; Post jucundam juventutem, post molestam senectutem nos habebit humus."