Cloud Cuisine Critic Pillows

'Sure $16.95 is a lot for a burger and fries, but what can you do?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Too much cilantro

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is the MSG local?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

Civilized Salmon

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"No dessert until you finish your dark matter."

Happy hour.

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"