Closure Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Our dignity was the first thing to go.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

The Philip Marlow family

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

Curling your hair for no reason

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

Crane fishing

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Man-made vs dog-made

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'I like to wear women's collars.'

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"No, we're looking for a roofer, not a woofer."

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

'The Anal Retentive Astronaut.' 'Just LOOK at all this DUST!'

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

'Correct me if I'm wrong.' (Everyone holds their hand up).

Crime Writer's Society.

'It's a good building contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'

Agency Moody's comments

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

'The spheres keep rolling away, Your Majesty -- how about we just build a pyramid?'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'There's been a change in my recurring nightmare. I'm no longer falling . . . my credit rating is.'

'Look dear - the first skip of spring...'