Clock Whisperer T-Shirts

Waiting for the 5 o'clock hooter.

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Computer Expert

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Fixing the Computer.

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

Computer help.

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

Pandora's box.

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'The contractor didn't do windows.'

Cellular Plan

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" The hot video game where you're a peacemaker who disarms everyone in sight and sells them on the virtues of nonviolent communication.

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"I keep getting the feeling I’m being watched."

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

Alternative Accountants

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye

Spyware is easy to see, if you know where to look.