Clergy Member Pillows

Gates of Heaven "Sorry buddy- no entry without a tie"

God's Law.

'We're in a same non-sex relationship.'

No, Reverend, the church does not pay time and a half if you work on a Sunday.

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

'Father Touy here is our diocese pilot.'

Please wait to be seated (by electric chair).

"ButI thought he was just praying without ceasing."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Staff support"

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

Golfing Bishop.

"...until death do you a favor."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”