Claw Connoisseur Gifts

"No guilt! This is the price they areed tp pay for a shot at our mercurial affections."

'We don't own a shredder. We just hang sensitive material on the furniture and let the cat take care of it.'

'We need to get him a scratching post.'

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

An oxymoron: Cat optimist

"Isn't that cute? She bought herself a little stool to sit on and watch us shred her chairs!"

"Her name is 'Precious', but her nickname is 'why we can't have nice things.'"

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

Theatre Crowd

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

'Thank goodness next week we'll be in a new dynasty and we can make some other style of pottery.'

Magic coat fixing problems while walking the dog.

Crazy old clown cat lady.

Clown's In and Out Trays.

"C'mon! C'mon! Almost there..."

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

Clown Watercooler

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"You're amazing!"

'Same problem every morning. What to wear..?'

'He can toot his own horn but when he starts tooting the government's we need to step in.'

Good Cop, Bad Clown: 'Ok, ok I'll tell you what you want! Just make that creepy clown stop staring at me!'

Baker

'I don't like to question your map reading dear, but could you have another look at the last left turn?'

'Your hanging baskets are looking good this year, Sir Ranolf.'

"Keep back... I'm going to try reviving him with my hand buzzer!"

Fisherman Funneral

Crusty Bread

Ok, I know a sarcastic slow clap when I hear one.

'Well, yes. We are losing the battle, sire. But this is just an exhibition...'