Classroom Wizard Pillows

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones,beepers and ipods.'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'I always hold my cat when I teach. It calms me, and the class, down.'

'Good. That'll make our jobs a lot easier.'

"I find that they learn better if you make it interesting."

"Every year. First day of school. Back to square one."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"We only got six days of funding."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Lovely dovetail."

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

Waiting for retirement.

Targets.

Newton's Cradle Solar System

"It's going to be one of those days."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

Computer operator welding machine.

'Here comes the 64-bit local bus.'

Tech support...can I help you!

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

Financial Services For Lawyers...Beginner's Class...

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

Start the session by doing something unusual.