Clairvoyance Chuckler T-Shirts

'Your future husband will golf 7 days a week, 9 months out of the year. Since this is bad news, I won't charge you.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"You're solemates!"

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'It's Blurred.'

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

Ill next Thursday

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

"A new set of dentures! Is that it?"

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"