Claim Adjuster Pillows

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'...Oh yes, they were worth at least £2000...'

"I'm sorry. Your policy clearly doesn’t cover an Act of Dog."

"The insurance company needs to see the alleged piece of straw before they’ll process your claim."

"It's from the RAC...An increase in claims due to potholes has led them to advise extra care in Blackburn, Lancashire..."

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

'Would you care to hold until Mr. Jyles is better adjusted.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"According to the insurance company, you don't have a leg to stand on."

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

"We've had to create a whole new area in our filing system for your claim, Mr Butterfield.'

Pregnant woman going to 'Accident Claims'.

I was an accident. The only baby pictures of me were taken by an insurance adjuster.

'I'm afraid, unless you can show proof you're employed by God, I'll have to deny this claim.'

'Never mind all the King's horses and all the King's men. Get me 'personal injuries direct'!'

'Adjuster of the Year' reads a Sports Illustrated at his desk that has two boxes, 'Claims Denied' and 'Claims Paid.' The first has an over flowing stack of paper in it, the other a single sheet of paper.

'You took out a policy with us Tuesday morning and had a fire Tuesday afternoon...What was the delay?'

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

I bet those are accident reports.

"Imagine an accident at 60mph..." "It would be like being hit by a 60 ton elephant."

'It's HIS fault, he was doing the speed limit!'

"If you can fill these out before you pass away we can move on to stage two of your claim."

"Act of God? Not a problem—we sue God."