Civil Servant Gifts

Whitehall: Gave honest impartial advice

Bereaucracy kills.

"It's a 300 page government questionaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

Public Services: 'IN - OUTSOURCE'

All Government Employees Must Wash Their Hands Of All Responsibility Before Returning To Work.

'Do you remember when all we had to worry about was client care?'

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

'I'm sorry, sir, this is the department of Immediate Dissatisfaction. Your appointment is with the Bureau of Eternal Frustration.'

'What do you think about forgetting the whole thing and just going back to trying to help people a bit.'

'It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy!'

"If we're going to keep this quite, we'll need a public enquiry."

'I'm very concerned about the surveillance society.'

'Gosh, I love government, Ed. Just when you begin to lose faith in the system, along comes a fresh crop of idealistic young lawmakers with an invigorating brand of gridlock all their own!'

Public Listening Process

"Do the M.O.D allow many of their staff to work from home?"

Mentoring (in politics)

'I prefer to call it the system of checks and balances in action, senator, not gridlock.'

'You forgot the form number? No problem- Just fill out this form number request form.'

'I'm from the city council. Do you have a permit to sleep here?'

'What separates us from the animals is our ability to change interest rates.'

"The government realises that there has been some confusion about retirement ages..."

Government promises to cut adoption bureaucracy.

"Remember the time you fought City Hall? - They want a rematch."

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'

CITY HALL, NO PROBLEM IS TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL., 'Oh, no, your problem isn't too big or too small - it's just too difficult.'

"So you're looking for a well paid, non job - how about trying a government quango?"

"I really believe red tape is the future!"

The Elephant in the Corner.

'More and more millions here, more billions there, more trillions everywhere...it all adds up!'

'I told him that I was leaving...that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork, the mind and morale sapping mountain of procedures and protocols!'

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

'Another scandal, and it could affect our popularity with the American public.'

"It's not my job to tell you whose job it is to tell you whose job it is to tell you what you want to know."

'I'm looking over the new Green Belt options right now.'