Cinematic Connoisseur Pillows

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Jackie Chan is great, but John Woo is God."

"Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move." "And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty." "This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day." "No way any movie can live up to this hype." "Wolverine day is almost upon us." "We are about to embark upon the great crusade..."

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

I love Horror Films

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

hard-boiled egg...

'He likes to power nap.'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Happy Hour

The Trojan Beagle.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Emergency Phone.

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Bangers and Mash

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

The Snarky District

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."