Churchwarden T-Shirts

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Let us pray...'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

Verger Works

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

CCTV in church.

"I have an app for that."

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"