Churchgoers With A Laugh Prints

Sunday morning greeters, the #1 cause for social anxiety in the church.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

'I always thought that church mouse thing was just a figure of speech.'

A virtue of vicars

Minister's File

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."

Church: 'We reserve the right to refuse salvation to anyone.'

"Please rise."

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

Church sign.