Churchgoer Chucklers Pillows

'You find me a leper, and I'll show you how good a samaritan I can be!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

"...lettuce pray."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"