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'And now, concerning the special collection...'

'Ah - Mr. Figgs - you used to work for that bank - anything for the church fete?'

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

Early Piety

Hildegard von Bingen

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Priest

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"That's our new church mascot."

'Let us pray...'

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

Verger Works

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Baptism Then and Now

"I have an app for that."

"Amen. Please help me up."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."