Church Sale T-Shirts

"Once again you've manged to bring more stuff home from the chuch bazaar than you managed to sell."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"That's our new church mascot."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'Let us pray...'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

United Church of OMG

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

Sermon Applause.

The Sleeping Congregation.

The ten ammendments

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."