Church Participation Mugs

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

'I know you had a bad week, Dear, but you don't have to go through the communion line twice.'

The Count Joins the Church Search Committee

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Early Piety

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"That's our new church mascot."

Verger Works

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Let us pray...'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

The Sleeping Congregation.

United Church of OMG