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'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Let us pray...'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

The Sleeping Congregation.

Sermon Applause.

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

United Church of OMG