Church Helper Mugs

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Mental Health System Breakdown

CCTV in church.

Nun Binning the Devil

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Cares and woes.

'If you'll excuse me, my car is on fire.'

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"I love how he finds joy in the simple things." "The emotional burden of alleviating his depression is crushing me."

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"It's a cup holder."

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

"He's highly qualified to be our new associate pastor but he wants all weekends and holidays off - the same days I want off."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

"You're correct, God doesn't need your tithe, but the church does."

"Please turn to page 38 in your hymn-or-her books." The feminist cause marches on.

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'